The Rhinoceros Party takes responsibility for fake Ed Stelmachs2008-01-25
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
The Rhinoceros Party of Alberta takes full responsibility for all the various fake Ed Stelmachs that have appeared recently. The website “edstelmach.ca” was run and administered by a Liberal party hack, but he was actually hypnotized by a Rhinoceros Party official and acted on our orders. The Ed Stelmachs on the social networking website Facebook were created by someone else, we don’t know.
Furthermore, the Rhinoceros Party would like to apologize for impersonating Ed Stelmach on a recent visit to Washington. The man that US Vice President Dick Cheney met with was not the real Ed Stelmach, it was in fact the leader of the Rhinoceros Party in disguise. We thought that attempting to cuddle the Vice President, inviting him back to our place, and claiming the tar sands were a clean source of oil would be enough for people to realize we were joking, and obviously an imposter, but nobody noticed.
We also take responsibility for the recent press conference where Ed Stelmach appeared to pledge to reduce greenhouse gas emissions 50% by 2050. We also promise to reduce crime 99% by 2099.
We apologize for any confusion that may have been caused by our impersonating the Premier.
ABOUT THE RHINOCEROS PARTY
The Rhinoceros Party of Alberta political party based out of Alberta, Canada. Originally the Party’s ideology was a mixture of libertarian and neoconservative leanings like the Conservative Party of Canada, until this was found to be much too silly, even for us. Now we are Marxist-Lennonist, for Groucho and John, respectively.
ABOUT ED STELMACH
A soft-spoken farmer, Ed Stelmach held four posts in the Ralph Klein government and had the support of the rural vote to win the leadership of the Progressive Conservative party of Alberta. Ed Stelmach’s low-key platform included fiscal stability, tackling the problems resulting from rapid growth in Alberta, and moving Alberta beyond its reliance on oil and gas.